Happy Birthday Oscar Wilde!

A portion of the transcript from the second day of testimony by Oscar Wilde in the infamous Trials.

C--Here is another letter which I believe you also wrote to Lord Alfred Douglas. Will you read it?
W—No; I decline. I don't see why I should.
C--Then I will.

Savoy Hotel,
Victoria Embankment, London.

Dearest of all Boys,
Your letter was delightful, red and yellow wine to me; but I am sad and out of sorts. Bosie, you must not make scenes with me. They kill me, they wreck the loveliness of life. I cannot see you, so Greek and gracious, distorted with passion. I cannot listen to your curved lips saying hideous things to me. I would sooner—than have you bitter, unjust, hating. . . . I must see you soon. You are the divine thing I want, the thing of grace and beauty; but I don't know how to do it. Shall I come to Salisbury? My bill here, is £49 for a week. I have also got a new sitting-room. . . . Why are you not here, my dear, my wonderful boy? I fear I must leave-no money, no credit, and a heart of lead.
YOUR OWN OSCAR.

C—Is that an ordinary letter?
W—Everything I write is extraordinary. I do not pose as being ordinary, great heavens! Ask me any question you like about it.
C--Is it the kind of letter a man writes to another?
W—It was a tender expression of my great admiration for Lord Alfred Douglas.


And here, Oscar defends the "love that dare not speak its name."

C–– What is "the love that dare not speak its name?"
W––"The love that dare not speak its name" in this century is such a great affection of an elder for a younger man as there was between David and Jonathan, such as Plato made the very basis of his philosophy, and such as you find in the sonnets of Michelangelo and Shakespeare. It is that deep spiritual affection that is as pure as it is perfect. It dictates and pervades great works of art, like those of Shakespeare and Michelangelo, and those two letters of mine, such as they are. It is in this century misunderstood, so much misunderstood that it may be described as "the love that dare not speak its name," and on that account of it I am placed where I am now. It is beautiful, it is fine, it is the noblest form of affection. There is nothing unnatural about it. It is intellectual, and it repeatedly exists between an older and a younger man, when the older man has intellect, and the younger man has all the joy, hope and glamour of life before him. That it should be so, the world does not understand. The world mocks at it, and sometimes puts one in the pillory for it."

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A lesson from history for the death of our democracy.

t is ironic that the foundations of the American Revolution were a resistance against the enforcement of corporate hegemony in the form of the Tea Act which sought to insure the British East India Company's monopoly over the colonies. The revolution was not fought initially by the colonial populace at large, but rather by the merchant class who were upset with British enforced corporate monopoly being forced on them. They in turn roused the 'rabble' to revolt.

The first large, privately owned corporation to arise post-revolution was the Second Bank of the United States, and by 1830 was sponsoring its directors and agents as candidates for political office. In President Andrew Jackson's annual message to Congress on December, 3, 1833 he said, "In this point of the case the question is distinctly presented whether the people of the United States are to govern through representatives chosen by their unbiased suffrages or whether the money and power of a great corporation are to be secretly exerted to influence their judgment and control their decisions."Forty years earlier Thomas Jefferson, when advocating for a Bill of Rights to be attached to the new Constitution, was warning that the people needed to be secure in their "freedom in religion, freedom of the press, freedom from monopolies, freedom from unlawful imprisonment, freedom from a permanent military, and a trial by jury, in all cases determinable by the laws of the land."

Yesterday the United States Supreme Court forever altered the outcome of U. S. elections by ruling that corporations, those very entities the founding merchant fathers enticed us to revolt against, had the same freedom of speech protections as individual humans and therefore were not restricted in how much they could contribute to election campaigns.

This ruling has the potential to forever change our democracy, silencing the voice of the people in favor of the voice of corporate America who will now be able to use their financial muscle to not only influence elections but threaten elected officials to do their bidding to an extent which will largely go unnoticed by the general public. It is especially disturbing when one considers the military-industrial-complex and the boost it received under Bush Cheney and the continuing 'war on terror.' When corporate profits are guided by the production of war profits, then war will be inevitable. When corporate profits decide elections then corporations will rule our country. We must resist now.

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An excerpt from Carl Wittman's "Refugees From Amerika: A Gay Manifesto" Dec. 22, 1970 III. ON ROLES

1. Mimicry of straight society: We are children of straight society. We still think straight: that is part of our oppression. One of the worst of straight concepts is inequality. Straight (also white, English, male, capitalist) thinking views things in terms of order and comparison. A is before B, B is after A; one is below two is below three; there is no room for equality. This idea gets extended to male/female, on top/on bottom, spouse/not spouse, heterosexual/homosexual, boss/worker, white/black and rich/poor. Our social institutions cause and reflect this verbal hierarchy. This is Amerika.We’ve lived in these institutions all our lives. Naturally we mimic the roles. For too long we mimicked these roles to protect ourselves - a survival mechanism. Now we are becoming free enough to shed the roles which we’ve picked up from the institutions which have imprisoned us.

“Stop mimicking straights, stop censoring ourselves.”

2. Marriage: Marriage is a prime example of a straight institution fraught with role playing. Traditional marriage is a rotten, oppressive institution. Those of us who have been in heterosexual marriages too often have blamed our gayness on the breakup of the marriage. No. They broke up because marriage is a contract which smothers both people, denies needs, and places impossible demands on both people. And we had the strength, again, to refuse to capitulate to the roles which were demanded of us.

Gay people must stop gauging their self-respect by how well they mimic straight marriages. Gay marriages will have the same problems as straight ones except in burlesque. For the usual legitimacy and pressures which keep straight marriages together are absent, e.g., kids, what parents think, what neighbors say.

To accept that happiness comes through finding a groovy spouse and settling down, showing the world that “we’re just the same as you” is avoiding the real issues, and is an expression of self-hatred.

3. Alternatives to Marriage: People want to get married for lots of good reasons, although marriage won’t often meet those needs or desires. We’re all looking for security, a flow of love, and a feeling of belonging and being needed.

These needs can be met through a number of social relationships and living situations. Things we want to get away from are: 1. exclusiveness, propertied attitudes toward each other, a mutual pact against the rest of the world; 2. promises about the future, which we have no right to make and which prevent us from , or make us feel guilty about, growing; 3. inflexible roles, roles which do not reflect us at the moment but are inherited through mimicry and inability to define equalitarian relationships.

We have to define for ourselves a new pluralistic, rolefree social structure for ourselves. It must contain both the freedom and physical space for people to live alone, live together for a while, live together for a long time, either as couples or in larger numbers; and the ability to flow easily from one of these states to another as our needs change.

Liberation for gay people is defining for ourselves how and with whom we live, instead of measuring our relationship in comparison to straight ones, with straight values.

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B.R.U.L.A or Best rational use of logic access

The TPMC (Timeline parenthal access control), also known as BRULA, goes through the concept that any data have an origin point as it has also timeline points at it's objects.
To circumvey the concept of avaiability not only granting the access by the data of it's own, but a proper timeline existence from the original file and it's difference based on chronological aspects. Not only it solves the problem of avaiability and integrity, but at the same time grants the existence of the different files that have been mutated along the way.Since the context of TPMC gives that possibility and at the same time use the advantage of Mandatory Access Control, it comes along with the concept of duplexistence, or multiple existence. Knowing that:

"If an object migrates from level A to level B or C, under MAC,
It also creates a second timeline. Wondering what happened
with the data at other levels."
ALRUBBU


With BRULA giveing another concept based on parenthal control, it's naturely correlated with object's age, wich means that when you create a data, is given you the possibility to define different access levels to the data. In mathematical terms: it not only works in single-dimension, what would be the mandatory one, but also works around the parenthal one.

The new type of Access Control have been developed to grant a precision accuracy under the most hybrids environments and for any kind of proposal. What goes through offer from auditory to censorship.

It has been developed by Pos-graduating students at Recife-PE along with regional military with the mainly concern of attend the comercial and military needs.

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Bareback Skate Rave

Bareback Skate Rave, from Sk8 M8s, opens on Halloween night and the boys have decided to have a little party. The boys horse around, get a little crazy, and then one by one pair off.

The adorable mop topped Simon Clay and blond streaked, tattooed, Brad Simpson exchange some nice blow jobs before Brad sits on top of Simon and takes his big cock for a ride. Brad explodes and shoots a nice wad across Simon's lips.

John Magiaty gets off on cutie Alex Stevens' sneaks, socks, and feet and then delivers a nice face fuck to Alex with his massive, thick cock.

Curly haired Martin Cross is fast asleep, that is until Mike Fossett sneaks into his room. Mike is one hot young stud and delivers a great fuck as he shoves his meat deep in from the side, as Martin oohs and ahhs with pleasure. A nice move finds Mike working on Martins foot, nibbling his toes and plunging his dick inside his ass at the same time. It's fucking hot! Mike pulls out just in time to drop a sweet milky load across the clean shaven boy hole. Martin really gets turned on when Mike jerks him off by his two feet!

Alex is back and he's going down on Rick Lucas. Alex must have saved up all his energy because here he's one horny stud. Eventually Alex is sitting on top of Rick, back to front, riding his cock as his own flops all around. Lying back on their sides Rick continues to ram Alex until he can't contain himself anymore and sprays all over himself. An incredible sexy fuck session for sure!

The finale finds a pretty hot threesome with Thomas Jefferson, Jerry Brand, and Miky Krejn. Miky gets the fucking of a lifetime from his two buddies. As Jerry fucks his mouth Thomas works on his ass getting it nice and wet with his tongue. Jerry is one hot stud and both him and Thomas really put their cocks to good use on the cherub faced Miky. After the two have fucked both holes endlessly they shower him with jizz, leaving the twink drenched and sporting a nice big cumstache.

No skating, or even skateboards for that matter. But lots of foot fetish and worship strewn among some hot sucking and fucking action though.

DVD Extras: Scene Selection, Gallery.

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Se o problema é não encontrar, a solução é procurar direito

Foto da 11ª Parada Gay de BH em 2008

Como eu dizia, a 12ª Parada do Orgulho LGBTS de Belo Horizonte não foi muito bem divulgada, na minha opnião. De tanto procurar informações, me deparei com diversas organizações que luta pela causa gay, e uma delas se destaca, CELLOS (CEntro de Luta pela Livre Orientação Sexual). Cellos é, como eles mesmos se denominam, entidade da sociedade civil que luta pelos direitos e promoção da cidadania da
população LGBT, e foi essa mesma entidade que coordenou a parada de BH.
Eu gostaria muito de recomendar o site para ser um ÁS de busca por eventos gays, mas, como vocês mesmos podem ver, visitando o site, não há muito o que pesquisar, afinal, parece que o site encontra-se em reconstrução ou está mesmo inacabado.
Enfim, fica ae o nome de uma instituição que tem a ideologia de nos ajudar. Pra quem quiser saber mais, visite o site ou ligue para CELLOS-MG: (31) 3277-6954


Outra fonte de informações, e uma instituição que também deu sua força na parada, grande força pra dizer a verdade, foi o grupo ALEM (Assossiação das LEsbicas de Minas), que por sua vez possui um site melhor estruturado o que possibilita informações mais atualizadas acerca de temas relacionados ao mundo LGBT. Nesse mesmo site do grupo, encontra-se uma publicação do jornal O Tempo muito relevante sobre o dia 19 de julho. Uma prévia da reportagem é o seguinte:


Cerca de 50 mil pessoas, segundo estimativas da Polícia Militar (PM), participaram do evento que, apesar do caráter festivo, possui também viés político.
Show de drag queens, apresentações de bandas e quatro trios elétricos foram as atrações da parada."Com o tema ‘Seus Direitos, Nossos Direitos, Direitos Humanos!’ celebramos os 60 anos da Declaração Universal dos Direitos Humanos e pedimos o fim da violência contra o homossexual", disse o militante do Centro de Luta pela Livre Orientação Sexual (Cellos), Carlos Magno, também um dos organizadores do evento.A parada, criada há 12 anos pela Associação de Lésbicas de Minas (Alem), é hoje realizada pelo Cellos e conta com o apoio da Prefeitura de Belo Horizonte.

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Conto - O jardineiro

Gente, assim como o conto "Despedida de Solteiro", esse que será apresentado foi retirado do blog O PUBLICO ALVO e me foi emprestado pelo amigo Glauco. Visitem esse blog porque eu recomendo demais.
O que eu achei mais legal foi que, ao comentar com o Glauco sobre os contos do seu blog, ele me relatou que quem os escreve é ele mesmo. Bacana neh. Brigadu Glauco por belos contos.Aos 36 anos de idade, Rubens vivia solitário.Sua vida de executivo de uma grande empresa tomava-lhe quase todo o tempo.Quando folgava em Domingo apenas pensava em descansar e nada mais.
Em sua casa havia um enorme jardim que estava precisando de certos cuidados mas Rubens, devido à sua vida exaustiva rotina, já não tinha mais tempo para a tarefa. Resolveu então anunciar no jornal que precisava de um jardineiro para início imediato mas que a pessoa interessada na vaga só poderia encontrá-lo em casa aos Domingos para a contratação.
Domingo, 9:00 hs da manhã a campainha toca.Rubens ao atender depara-se com um homem aparentando uns 25 anos de idade, moreno claro, olhos verdes e corpo atlético que diz ter vindo pelo anúncio do jornal, seu nome, André.Rubens o convida para entrar e começa à entrevistá-lo. Entre perguntas e respostas Rubens fica atordoado com o olhar fixo de André mas finge estar tudo bem e decide contratá-lo.
Os dois levantam-se da cadeira, dão-se as mãos e novamente aquele olhar de André deixa Rubens desconcertado. Rubens era um belo loiro, descendente de alemães.
André vai embora. Após a conversa Rubens decide tomar um bom banho para relaxar.Durante a ducha Rubens começa a lembrar de André. Aquele olhar realmente o deixara perturbado. Até a presente data Rubens nunca tinha se atraído por homem algum. Já havia tido vários relacionamentos com mulheres e quase chegou a casar. A idéia de ter um relacionamento homossexual não havia lhe passado pela cabeça.Passa-se a semana e André já contratado vai executando seus serviços tranquilamente sempre com o olho da diarista de Rubens por perto.
Algumas semanas depois, numa terça, Rubens não acorda bem, o corpo dolorido e espirros indicam que uma forte gripe havia o pegado.Rubens liga para a empresa e como seu chefe já lhe devia férias resolve dar-lhe 15 dias de descanso.Rubens comemora a notícia.Além de poder descansar mais, Rubens poderia acompanhar de perto o trabalho de sua diarista e seu jardineiro.
Logo depois de ter desligado seu telefone, por volta das 7:00 hs da manhã Rubens recebe seus empregados. Ambos estranham a presença do patrão já que a diarista tinha as chaves da casa, mas este lhes explica o motivo de sua permanência ali. Rubens decide voltar para sua cama depois de tomar antigripais que segundo ele mesmo sempre faziam efeito. Após alguma horas de sono, Rubens acorda, um pouco melhor.Seu quarto dá de frente para o jardim. Rubens displiscentemente vai até a janela.
Ao olhar para seu jardim depara-se com a visão de André, sem camisa devido ao enorme calor naquele dia. André tinha um corpo atlético, nada em exagero e alguns pêlos que o deixavam com a aparência ainda mais viril. Rubens tentou desviar o olhar mas não conseguiu. Ficou observando André como nunca havia observado um homem antes. Em determinado momento André olhou para a janela de Rubens e flagrou seu patrão olhando, Rubens desconcertado por ter sido visto, saiu imediatamente. André apenas sorriu.
À noite, quando os empregados já haviam ido embora, Rubens começou a lembrar-se de André. Aquele homem não lhe saía da cabeça. Rubens pensava: o que está acontecendo comigo? Perdido em seus pensamentos e distraído, Rubens leva um susto com o telefone tocar. Era sua diarista avisando que não poderia ir no mesmo horário no dia seguinte pois tinha exames médicos a fazer na parte da manhã. Rubens sempre compreensivo entendeu perfeitamente.
Já era um novo dia e Rubens mal havia acordado e a campainha já tocava. Era André que estava estranhando a ausência da diarista. Rubens explicou o motivo de sua ausência e André tranquilizou-se, partindo ao trabalho. Após o café da manhã Rubens resolveu ver de perto o trabalho de seu belo jardineiro. Ao deparar-se com o patrão ao seu lado, André dá um sorriso de satisfação. Conversa vai e vem e Rubens em certo momento percebe que André está excitado. O volume na calça do rapaz deixa Rubens trêmulo. Era um mistura de desejo e medo incontroláveis. André percebe o desconforto de seu patrão e pergunta o motivo dele estar assim suando e com a voz trêmula. Rubens nervoso, responde que não é nada e pergunta por que André está excitado daquele jeito. André apenas declara que era o desejo dele falando mais alto e agarra Rubens tascando-lhe um beijo caloroso em sua boca.
Rubens não consegue resistir e entrega-se ao beijo do rapaz. Com o coração batendo mais forte e pensamentos loucos na cabeça os dois começam a despir-se um ao outro. Como não havia o risco de serem flagrados ali no jardim, os dois entregam-se a todo tipo de prazer que dois homens poderiam ter juntos.
Com o desejo saciado entre ambos, os dois se olham fixamente. Rubens fica meio sem graça mas diz que foi a melhor experiência sexual de sua vida. André diz o mesmo e diz que espera repetir mais vezes.
Rubens nada fala.
Já era quase 12:00 hs e em pouco tempo a diarista iria chegar. Os dois vestem-se rapidamente. Antes de Rubens voltar para dentro de sua casa, André novamente dá um beijo caloroso em Rubens. Rubens já em seu quarto e ainda assustado pelo que tinha feito resolve sair para dar uma volta. Ao retornar à sua casa e com os pensamentos já mais tranquilos, Rubens vai ao jardim e pergunta à André o que ele fazia à noite. André responde que por enquanto nada mas se Rubens quizesse ele faria tudo.
Rubens já um pouco menos acanhado gostou da resposta do rapaz e disse que o esperaria à noite então.
Por volta das 21:00 hs André tocou a campainha.
Rubens o atendeu prontamente com todo seu desejo e assim foram vários meses até que ambos oficializaram sua paixão, seu amor perante a sociedade. Rubens foi mandado embora de seu emprego numa atitude preconceituosa de seus superiores e André saiu de casa. Com as economias de ambos e a venda da casa de Rubens, foram para os Estados Unidos onde lá vivem há 5 anos. E mesmo após anos de relacionamento os dois continuam seu desejo mútuo, num amor cúmplice, selvagem e verdadeiro.

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Abaixando as portas

A quem ainda tem paciencia para dar um pulinho nesse falido blog, peço desculpas pela minha longa ausência e digo que não pretendo continuar com o blog. Aliás, que eu não pretendo continuar com o blog já está claro devido a tanto tempo sem nenhum post.Estou então formalizando o fechamento do blog (não fechamento porque ele vai continuar por ae vagando no ciberespaço, mas sem atualização).

Quem sabe num belo dia de manhã de sol eu resolva voltar a postar. Espero que vocês ainda tenham saco para ver o que escrevo, rs.

Agradeço demais a felicidade que me trouxe cada dia em que estive postando e conversando com vocês, me fez muito bem. Quero ressaltar que foi muito bom pra mim escrever e dividir parte do meu gosto com vocês, acabei me descobrindo um pouco mais.
Agradeço também a quantidade e qualidade das pessoas que passaram por aqui homenageando, criticando, perguntando e dando ideias para o blog. Eu realmente não imaginava que teria tantas pessoas tao bacanas elogiando meu trabalho (trabalho nao, hobby), e nem passava na minha cabeça escrever quase 150 posts.

As amizades que conquistei por aqui estão guardadas comigo, podem ter certeza disso.

No mais, ficamos assim.
Um abraço enooooooooooooooooooooorme à todos.

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FUCK (some of) YOU

I get angry when I read some of the comments about my lifestyle. I understand it and many people have e-mailed me and told me that they feel sorry for me that I have to "live a lie" to make money. That I should just "come out" and be a pioneer.

None of you have any idea what I go through everyday of my life. Some wonder why I don't post a lot on the blog anymore. I am busy, for one. But another reason are the crazies out there that have come out the past few posts to tell me that I am a mess.

Fuck You.anonymous said: Dear Ask Slugger,You said, "He also knows that if I am in a position where I might have sex with a woman I will do so. I keep up the act in front of the team mates." My question to you is... how do YOU feel about this?

To which, another anonymous said: Repulsed, obviously. I'd feel the same.

I came off the wrong way on the blog about this situation I am in. The second anonymous commenter there has it on the dot. I was very truthful with him with what happens during spring training and he knows that if I NEED to do this that I will. I wanted to be up front about it to him. I don't WANT to do it. Almost none of you will ever be in a situation close to where I am right now.

Ryan is also still in the closet and not in a place to be coming out. If I could classify him right now, he is a really close fuck bud. We have a connection beyond that but right now, if I needed to define he and I… that is how I would define him.

He is in college… getting ready to graduate. A former president of his frat still living in his frat house. It’s complicated. I can’t be out and open like most of you. I just can’t. There are those that understand and those who do not understand.

I have blown up at guys before who just don’t get it and don’t understand. I almost stopped updating the blog because of them. I let them get to me. Now, I don’t care. I am who I am. I do what I have to do in order to keep mysecret, keep playing baseball and try to find someone to fill my sexual need.

To answer another question about linking to JP's blog when talking about bottoming. JP and I have a relationship that goes WAY back. I should have asked him about sharing that first. I will let him tell the story or if he does not want to, I will fill you all in.

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My Situation

Writing has become a crack for me. Last night I took it easy and was watching TV with a few buddies while chatting online. It was fun. I am what they call a Non Roster Invitee to one of the Major League clubs. For the most part, it's an audition to make a roster of the big league team. If not, I head back down into the farm system and keep working hard to get noticed and work my way up.

I'm working hard and so far have had some great feedback on my play. The guys I have met, that I have not met before are hot. In one of those nice e-mails, someone asked me how I am able to not get hard. That's easy... practice.I think I have talked about it before... I have grown up in a locker room enviroment. The first time I had to shower in front of other guys we were all terrified. This was back in 8th grade while playing on a travel team. We were using a high school locker room to change and since we were not heading back to a hotel and heading home, I wanted to shower.

As the years go on you get to know the guys you shower with. They are your friends. Everyone takes a peek. For those who have played sports in high school, college and professionaly there is always a different comfort level in there. Almost always there is the guy with the big dick, who hows it off, guys laugh the way he can spin it around like a propeller. The hairy guy that looks like he is wearing a hair suit. Ect, Ect.

That post last night felt good to get off my chest. None of you know me. There is one person that reads the blog that knows me. I have met some awesome guys to chat with, swap stories with and some I have even had cyber crushes on. No big deal. The assholes got to me. I hope I don't have to blow up again.

A lot of you like the pictures that I post on the site. The pictures I post are sent to me by guys like you reading or I am able to find them when I have the time to look, while I am alone. I try not to download them because I obviously don't need gay porn to be found on my laptop.

So last night, someone IMed me and asked me about the Wrestlers i had posted a while ago. Much like those football players, they were a big hit. These guys are what I am attracted to and when I am looking for. They do exsist because Ryan looks like these guys.

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Boredom

Life without baseball is boring. Let's be serious folks. As you guys have seen, I was in a zone this past season and rarely came on here to vent or tell stories. I was incredibly focused. It was disgusting the routine I was in.

That is very important for an athlete. My routine was tight some days and light others. For the most part, I would work out in some form or another.Ryan is also part of my routine and was there for me the entire season. We are definitely in a Bromance. Guys have asked me what our relationship is like and I really don't know how to describe it besides a Bromance with lots of sex.

I have had guys ask me if I was scared that a teammate would find porn or my blog on my computer... I am really not concerned with that because I am the only one who uses this laptop. I have a desktop out in my living room that I use to download music and do random shit on out there and only use my laptop for this kind of stuff.


With my free time I now have I have spent a lot more time with Ryan. We decided to have a "gay day"... his words, I swear. We decided to take an hour drive to a really nice mall and do some shopping and be ourselves where it was less likely we would run into someone we knew.


I was very relaxed with this and caught myself with my guard down. Nothing big, but had this over whelming "I don't give a fuck" moment where I wanted to go and make out with him in the middle of a Ruby Tuesdays or something... I also had this small fear that someone would see us trying on clothes and take my picture with a cell phone camera. You learn to live with it.


We did some clothes shopping and then headed to a movie. We had a bunch of stuff to choose from and he decided on High School Musical 3.I was secretly happy that he decided on this movie because of my man crush on Zac Efron. If I were to ever meet him, I would want to bend him over and just fuck the shit outa him because of he's annoying. Muscular-twink annoying.

Anyway... we are watching the movie and there is a scene where Zac and the black dude head to the locker room for some reason and their replacements for the 4th installment are getting out of the shower.

There was a really built guy walking in the background and missed the premise of the scene but these two younger guys wanted to take over the lockers of Efron to show that they are the new leaders on the team. It's very high school. Zac says that they have to earn it, grab their clothes and run out of the locker room...

My heart started to pound because what happens for the next 2 minutes of the movie happened to me in real life, and it was in a Disney movie.

I have talked about what it was like back in high school and I remember telling a few guys, over e-mail, a story about hazing and what happened to me.

It was our first day in the locker room that we shared with the Varsity football team. As freshman, we had one small side of the locker room. From the start of our summer sessions we were told that we had to shower before we left the locker room to go home.

All of us were nervous 13, 14 year olds... we all started to shower and it got comfortable for everyone. One guy left the shower room and found that all of our towels had been taken. Turns our the seniors had decided to take them from us and we would have to run out to the middle of the gym to get them, during Vollyball practice. We grabbed our junk and made the run, like all the other freshman teams before us.

In the movie, these guys have towels on and Zac has their clothes. Still, it was weird watching it because I lived an entire scene years before it was filmed. I don't know if one of those guys I told the story to wrote it into the movie for me, but it was freaky.

I told Ryan the story at dinner that night and he was laughing. He has some fun hazing stories from being president of his fraternity and from high school too.

I am gearing up for a trip to NY in the next few weeks to see my family and hang out around Thanksgiving. I'll be away from Ryan for a while and it's making me sad thinking about it.

Fuck I am really into him.

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Ask Slugger: Underwear and Jocks

So... I have been getting a LOT of questions from you guys about what kind of underwear I wear on and off the field. I have talked about it on the blog but not in much detail so here we go.

Growing up I would always wear a jock with cup because I really didn't want my balls to be busted while playing any sport. Football and Baseball. Once I got up to the HS level and was playing American Legion started to wear compression shorts that had a cup built into it.
Since then I have gone away from wearing a jock strap and have worn these shorts for everything. They are comfortable, help protect my junk as well as my thighs and ass when I slide into 2nd base.

Off the field it varies. Depending on the day I will wear an assortment of undies.

Mostly I wear boxer briefs. Nothing designer, but Champion brand that have a soft waist band and form fit. They are so comfortable. Now that it's summer, when I go out I have been wearing these briefs under my jeans. It is so comfortable to wear while going out.

I hope some people in the past have not been upset when I get short with questions about underwear and what other guys on my team wear. I have had some guys ask repeatedly for me to SEND them pairs of my used underwear. Please don't do that... LOL

I hope this answers some questions about what I wear. Any others?

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All Star Breaks

Not only do you have the MLB All Star Break, there is also an All Star Game for AAA and AA teams. It's a chance to show off your stuff to other team scouts and have fun with the guys you know on other teams.

A common misconception is that you don't get to know other guys on other teams. I have a bunch of friends on other teams that I get to see when we play in their city and after the game a few of them show us a good time.

I had a very fun All Star Break. I really can't go much into detail but it was a lot of fun. I met some really cool guys that play ball and Ryan was with me. I really couldn't ask for anything more.

Ryan and I have been able to hang out a lot more and we are honestly best friends. I am scared that someone will catch on to us as we get closer but right now I don't want the panic attacks of thinking about it. I am enjoying my time with him.

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Wrestlers Jerkin Off

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Why it's not me

The last post about my slump buster, I had someone leave an article from a sports writer who is trying to get a MLB player to come out of the closet and become a spokesman for gay athletes. Here are my thoughts.

I did read it.
I am not a potential trailblazer
I am not the gay Jackie Robinson.This dilemma has plagued my soul: Do I come out? Do I continue to hide?

This blog has been my release so to speak. When I first entered the minor league system I had endured 4 years of high school and 4 years of college where almost everyday I heard the word faggot being thrown around like the word "the"

It comes so freely and it scares the shit out of me.

I don't know who you are Jeff Pearlman. I don't even want to try and google you. Right now, as a gay-closeted MiLB player I do not want to come out. There are so many reasons why I won't come out and say who I am.

First, I have a feeling that my team would void my contract and then it's pretty much over for my career in baseball. I dream of being an everyday player at a Major league club. The fact that I sleep with men instead of women would end my career. In today's environment I want to make sure I can make the most money for my talent.

If I were an ARod and I were to come out that would be big news. SportsCenter wall-to-wall. If a utility player on the Royals were to come out I think it would be big news for a few days and then the player would quietly be sent down to the minors. The club would also try and let him out of his contract.

Those are the thoughts that go through my head when I think about coming out.

Stepping up to the plate and hearing "You're - a - faggot. clap clap clap clap clap" echo throughout every stadium I show up to. Its really tough to try and think of enduring that.

Do I think that one day it will happen? Yes. Am I going to be the one who comes out. Right now the answer is no.

You can read entries on this blog where I have hidden who I am from my teammates because I fear this.

It would start with talking to my agent about if this is the right move for me to take. I don't think any player out there would have their agent tell him "Yeah. Go For it!"

I respect what you want but I don't think that there is an easy way of doing this.

There have been plenty of gay players playing ball who have come out after the fact. A few years ago hen I got hurt I decided to get an MBA so once my time playing ball was over I had some kind of advanced degree to fall back on.

Right now. Where I am with myself and where I see the business of baseball, you will not see a gay player come out publicly.

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Porn on the Road

One of the best things for me on the road is porn. It's pretty much fact that every guy jerks off. I know guys that have girlfriends and wives and they still jerk off. They are guaranteed a fuck or blow job everyday... yet still jerk off.

The guy I currently share a room with on the road and I talked about jerking off at the beginning of the season. At the time, I had a boyfriend... but told him it was a girlfriend back in New York. Just like my freshman year of college we set some ground rules.
No matter where we were, we would always order pizza to the room. If one of us were fucking we would leave the pizza box outside the door. We would try and give the guy a time frame but sometimes he would take longer than expected.

Most pizza deliveries come with menus. If one of us were gunna jerk off to porn we would leave the menu in front of the door.

Well, guys on the team caught on... that led to banging on doors and all of that.

Now, I am guessing that you guys want to hear that this led to he and I jerking off in our jock straps every night on the road.... well... it doesn't happen that way with he and I.

I have woken up at night and saw the bathroom light on and just assumed he was either taking a dump or jerkin it.

The next morning I asked him point blank. He fessed up to jerkin off. When he would disappear with his laptop, I knew he was going to bust a load. He has a pretty amazing body but I really don't think of him like that.

There is one guy that i wanna talk about that is my crush of the season who is NOT on my team.

I would also like to thank the site guys with IPhones for helping me jerk off at night.

If any of these guys are you... I want to bust my load all over you.

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The Porn Star and All Star

The Porn Star and All Star
Happy All Star Break! This is a great time of year. Not only do ball players get a few days off to relax, go see family and recharge... lucky few get to go play in All Star games.

Now, most of you know about the MLB All Star Game. There is also a Futures game that features some of the up-and-coming all stars in the minor leagues.

One of the perks of making an all star roster is that everything is paid for. You have obligations to go and do press and fan events but for the most part you get paid to hang out with family and friends.

I won't exactly tell you guys what I will be doing for my all star break but I thought I would tell a story that has been brewing the last few months.

A few months ago I was contacted by a porn star. He is a reader of this blog. He e-mailed me to tell me how much he loved the blog. It started off as just an e-mail. As we got to chatting I found out that he is an amateur porn star.

He started off with a few "solo" films and gradually moved into being a top on camera. The way he described it brought me back to my first time. How nervous you are but the rush and thrill of it.

At the time he had a girlfriend and was looking to make some extra cash on the side. The more he did videos and more he was with a guy the more he loved it.

This made him nervous that he was becoming gay and stopped doing porn for a while but found himself looking at gay porn when he wasn't with his girlfriend. That's when he found my blog. Looking for pics.

He dumped his girlfriend and decided to try and date a guy. He started dating another pornstar but found himself jealous when he was with other guys on and off screen.

He e-mailed me to tell me his story. We got to chatting and the guy is really cool. He was an athlete growing up all the way through college. Once he graduated he became a personal trainer and was "discovered" via his Myspace page.

As we kept chatting I found myself drawn to him. He would talk about college and all of that.

Then he offered me a trip to Southern California to "hang out with him" I politely said no. He said we could have some fun.

He is willing to pay for the trip and the thought of banging a porn star for 3 days is enticing. Thoughts?

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I'm not fucking a porn star

I'm not fucking a porn star
Well that was fun. A quick post before I have to bounce outa here for a few days. I did not and did not plan to take this porn star up on his offer of sex in Southern California. It would be career suicide for me Who knows if he has a camera set up somewhere in that hotel room.

He could be a guy just looking to out a baseball player. Thank you all for the comments.

Fact of the matter is, when he asked me to meet up and fuck the idea was appealing. Here is a guy who was straight as could be... with a girlfriend... who got wrangled into doing porn for extra cash and found his bisexual side he wanted to explore.

As much fun as it would be to fuck a porn star I wouldn't risk what I have going on right now. Read into it any way you want. I have a lot going for me right now and I am loving it.

If this guy had come to me a few days after my heart was broken, you bet your ass I would have been stupid enough to fall for this guy and go spend a weekend fucking him. As TMZ waits for me at the hotel to try and catch me banging a gay porn star.

At the end of the day, I am happy that you guys (my readers) responded the way you did. I got a lot of e-mail from you guys asking me if I was crazy and actually thinking of going through with it.

Truth of the matter is; when I get an e-mail from someone who says something like; "Well if you are ever in the INSERT CITY HERE area let me know I'd love to buy you a beer." Just so you know; I won't be taking you up on the beer.

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Mr. Gay Europe 2009 and Mr. Gay World 2010 to Oslo

Mr. Gay Europe 2009

Oslo, 19–23 August

Mr. Gay World 2010

Oslo, 10–14 February
Mr. Gay Europe 2008 Mr. Gay World (logo)
Photo: Mr. Gay Europe 2008, Antonio Pedro Almijez, together with Morten Rudå (left) and Tore Aasheim from the Mr. Gay Europe organisation.
The 2009 contest will be the fifth Mr. Gay Europe event. The final takes place at Sentrum Scene on Saturday, 22 August. The global Mr. Gay contest is a new event, first organised in 2009. The first Mr. Gay World took place in Whistler, Canada in February, 2009. The Oslo event will be the second Mr. Gay World contest. At the bottom of this page you can see the video which was shown to present Oslo in Whistler.
Hotel packages

On our booking page you can book a Mr. Gay Europe Package which includes a sparkling "welcome in a bottle", accommodation at Clarion Hotel Royal Christiania, VIP ticket for the final etc.

More about the Mr. Gay Europe Package

Hotel packages

On our booking page you can book a Mr. Gay World Package which includes a sparkling "welcome in a bottle", accommodation at Clarion Hotel Royal Christiania, VIP ticket for the final etc.
More detail from http://www.visitoslo.com/en/mr-gay-europe-09-mr-gay-world-10.124159.en.html

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Alberta Delays Gay Lesson Opt-Out

Alberta’s strange new law requiring teachers to notify parents before tackling any lessons dealing with sexual orientation has been delayed until next year so that the school boards can prepare formal procedures.

The Alberta Teacher Association as well as several large municipal school boards was against this bill from the start, but the provincial Conservative government has so far been adamant that the law is necessary for parents to be able to pull their children out of classes, preventing them from learning anything about gay issues.

The law was part of a revision to the Human Rights Act, which means that any teachers who violate the new law will see themselves before the Alberta Human Rights Commission.

The whole thing is a bad idea, so sparing an extra year’s worth of children from all this is welcome news. Too bad it’s not delayed indefinitely.

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