Why it's not me

The last post about my slump buster, I had someone leave an article from a sports writer who is trying to get a MLB player to come out of the closet and become a spokesman for gay athletes. Here are my thoughts.

I did read it.
I am not a potential trailblazer
I am not the gay Jackie Robinson.This dilemma has plagued my soul: Do I come out? Do I continue to hide?

This blog has been my release so to speak. When I first entered the minor league system I had endured 4 years of high school and 4 years of college where almost everyday I heard the word faggot being thrown around like the word "the"

It comes so freely and it scares the shit out of me.

I don't know who you are Jeff Pearlman. I don't even want to try and google you. Right now, as a gay-closeted MiLB player I do not want to come out. There are so many reasons why I won't come out and say who I am.

First, I have a feeling that my team would void my contract and then it's pretty much over for my career in baseball. I dream of being an everyday player at a Major league club. The fact that I sleep with men instead of women would end my career. In today's environment I want to make sure I can make the most money for my talent.

If I were an ARod and I were to come out that would be big news. SportsCenter wall-to-wall. If a utility player on the Royals were to come out I think it would be big news for a few days and then the player would quietly be sent down to the minors. The club would also try and let him out of his contract.

Those are the thoughts that go through my head when I think about coming out.

Stepping up to the plate and hearing "You're - a - faggot. clap clap clap clap clap" echo throughout every stadium I show up to. Its really tough to try and think of enduring that.

Do I think that one day it will happen? Yes. Am I going to be the one who comes out. Right now the answer is no.

You can read entries on this blog where I have hidden who I am from my teammates because I fear this.

It would start with talking to my agent about if this is the right move for me to take. I don't think any player out there would have their agent tell him "Yeah. Go For it!"

I respect what you want but I don't think that there is an easy way of doing this.

There have been plenty of gay players playing ball who have come out after the fact. A few years ago hen I got hurt I decided to get an MBA so once my time playing ball was over I had some kind of advanced degree to fall back on.

Right now. Where I am with myself and where I see the business of baseball, you will not see a gay player come out publicly.